02 May 2008

where's my ukelele?

oh, blog! oh how i've missed you! and it's not like i haven't sat down, laptop in front of me with the intention to write. i have. but it seems like there's always some sort of distraction. like the bee. he can be a serious distraction. or food, because generally i come to panera and the food is extremely distracting. or the bathroom, because when i get online at the library i'm always interrupted by my own bladder, because every time i go to the library i always have to pee. seriously. every time, ever since i was a little kid, that i go to the library, i always have to go to the bathroom. it's like a subconscious thing. library = urinate. i have no idea what that means.

so how are things in your life? yeah? good. great.

okay. so yeah. still at the giant corporate conglomeration, chained to the desk for 8 hours a day. let me tell you, if i had nuts, this job would suck 'em and not in any sort of pleasurable fashion, my friends. this job sucks nuts bad. but i'm persevering. i'm conquering. one day i'm going to walk in there and lead the revolution and flip that place on its motherfucking head all che guevara style (only without the communism, because i don't dig communism on general principle) and show the stagecoach how it's done because that's how i roll.

or not. i may just stay a sheep for the next 330 days until i can put in for a transfer to a department that appreciates my creativity and intelligence and all the awesome things i do awesomely.


so i'm supposed to be in pella at the moment, dishing ice cream among the wooden-shoed (is that a word?) tulip klompers (i know that's not a word but they actually have an event called the klompen klassic. no, i'm serious. go look it up.) except actually klomping a tulip in the city of pella is a crime punishable by death, or at least public flogging like that dude in thailand a few years ago (remember him? wasn't he australian or something, dealing drugs or vandalizing or jaywalking in thailand and his punishment was a public flogging while wearing a clown suit or some similar shit, i don't remember the specifics. you have a computer, obviously. don't be lazy, google that shit, fool!) anyway, i'm talking here. harming a tulip during the almighty tulip festival is seriously punishable in the city of pella - and especially during tulip time. you are allowed to look at the tulips, admire the tulips, carefully smell the tulips - but attempt to touch the tulips and there are dutch costumed tulip bodyguards waiting to take your flower assaulting ass out man.

you think i'm kidding. come to pella. try to pick a tulip. i dare you.

anyway. i'm supposed to be there, serving ice cream with a smile. and i would be there, except i got the call that said, "don't bother, it's rainy and cold and nasty and people are leaving and we don't want you here." and i said "right on." because i don't want to drive that far anyway. because serving ice cream in a potential tornado is not a lot of fun. thunderstorms and lightning and tornadoes make the kiddies cry and crying kiddies don't enjoy ice cream.

do you rent movies? we rent a lot of movies. the bee and i are blockbuster regulars. they know us by name, especially since the manager (i think her name is tina) has to call me about once a week to tell me i'm a retard and returned an empty dvd case. ("hi janelle. this is tina from blockbuster on merle hay and you did it again..." yeah, for real. that's all she says.) but they know that we're a sucker for any new program they have. blockbuster rewards? got it. blockbuster movie pass? got it. can you use it together? not really. were either of them free? oh hell no. we spend an ungodly amount of money at blockbuster; those people definitely have our number. but it's cheaper than drinking and my head doesn't hurt in the morning so it can't be all bad. but the bee's taste in movies runs on the horror-slasher-cheeser genre and that hurts my head but whatever. it's opened me up to a whole new world of movie viewing, one where blood gushes from open wounds like water from a fire hose, true story. it's fascinating and horrific all at once.

and with that, i think i'm going to sign off and go investigate other online things i've been ignoring lately. i'm out of stuff to write about and my head sort of hurts from too much soda and chocolate. ugh. peace out ninjas.

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