blah, blah, blah

[this post is coming at you from behind enemy lines. i am such a rebel. i know, right?]

so here i am, at work, on a sunday morning. dude, that's just not right. doing anything other than being lazy is just. not. right. but that's okay. i made my statement by being an hour late. and really, it wasn't even on purpose, i completely overslept and woke up at 7am on the nose. which was exactly when i was supposed to be at work.

whoops.

but i'm here and i'm getting shit done. which is more than i can say for half my team, because apparently it is the norm to not even show up for your weekend shifts. how do people keep from getting fired for that? not that i'm planning on not showing up for work or anything, i'm just curious. i have to admit, i kind of like my job. it's a good mix of being nice and being a total outright bitch. which, as was pointed out to me yesterday in the kindest way possible, i'm sort of good at. so it makes sense for me to like what i'm doing.

but the main reason that i like what i'm doing is because i really like the people i work with. they keep me awake, keep me from drooling on my keyboard, keep me entertained, keep me on my guard - because if you're not paying attention around here, it's likely that you'll get smacked in the face with a giant beach ball. and these bizzos are not playing games, they're playing for skins, chillens. oh yes. the beach ball game is vicious. and they all know by now that my reflexes are far from cat-like so i'm kind of picked on. a lot. but whatever. there are newbies joining us next week and then i'm not so new and i get to start picking on people, which we all know i'm really good at.

shut up and go get me some water.

that was a joke.

don't go. come back. i didn't mean it.

so anyway. what else?

the bee and i went to the horse races last night. um, does anyone here know how to bet on a horse race? yeah, me neither. we were both so completely confused we just said fuck it, we'll come back with someone with some knowledge and then make our millions. so we're going to go hit up the gambler's anonymous meetings this week and find our bookie.

kidding.

and then we drove to iowa city and had pizza. it was awesome. except we left the pizza in the car overnight and now the car smells like garlic and tomatoes, which is *not* awesome, even though i like garlic and i like tomatoes, i just don't like smelling like a big italian grandma holding 14 pounds of sausage. not my favorite thing to smell like in the morning. or anytime really, because smelling like an old italian lady holding sausage prolly doesn't bring the boys a running. or maybe it does, shit, i don't know.

don't listen to me, i have no idea what i'm talking about.

so yeah, the other night we drove by a 24/365 fitness. it was closed.

true story.

my dog is a jerk. we're bell training him, right? we've got a bell hung around the doorknob in the apartment. so when we first brought him home, we'd tap his paw to the bell, say, "outside!" and take him outside to do his business. (puppy business is the piddles, because piddles in the house are no fun. puppy business does not include any of the following: briefcases, associates, dark sunglasses, angeldust, goombas, cell phones or 9mms. i just thought i'd clear that up for you.) so now, after just a week, puppy has learned to ring the bell on his own, letting us know when he wants to go outside - its a modern version of pavlov's experiment, right? it's actually pretty cool. except freaking puppy is ringing the freaking bell every 43 seconds and if i had nuts, that would suck them in an extremely non-pleasurable fashion.

for real.

because you and i both know that i L.O.V.E. going up and down the stairs 57 times a day so puppy can bite my ankles while standing in the grass in the yard of the apartment complex. it's neat fun.

but i shouldn't be so negative. in all actuality, he's doing rather well. he seriously rings the bell when he wants to go outside and 75 percent of the time he does his business. although i tend to think that puppies can do business on command but the point is that he's learning how to let us know that he needs/wants to go outside and that's pretty cool for such a young puppy - he's not even 10 weeks old.

now as far as the bell training, let me tell you - it works on humans too. because there is a team that is ringing a bell everytime a payment is received here at work. and everytime that g.d. bell rings, i have to stop myself from jumping out of my chair to let puppy outside. yeah, no joke. i'm no better than a drooling, yipping, piddling puppy, trained to respond to a 3$ bell toy.

yup, i'm that easy.

today i'm going to learn how to make sweet tea. i'm now addicted to sweet tea. which is no better for me than soda but its cheaper so in my mind that makes all the difference. but you can't just say "sweet tea," you've got to southern-ize it and draw it out over like 6 minutes, "sweeeeeeet tee-eee-eee-eee-ea" like they do in the south, otherwise it just doesn't taste the same.

and with that, i'm out.