the food network is making me fat.

i'm suffering from stir-crazy. i feel the need, the need not for speed but to get out of these walls. i just need some air. yesterday was a bad day for me, we didn't do much of anything and my mind kind of works against me in situations like that. i love these kids, i love these people, but sometimes i get a little jealous. that and i found some grief message boards and while the purpose is good, the timing was a little bit off. lizbeth was like, if you need anything, keys, anything, just let me know. um, yeah right. here, let me take your car and get myself lost as hell in a town where you're the only person i know. that just does not sound like a good idea. but anyway. i hate the idea of being jealous; its such a nasty feeling, to envy someone you love so much. i can't help it.

so i'm hoping maybe we go somewhere today. but lizbeth isn't feeling well - she's going on 32 weeks preggo, i don't know that anyone feels good at that point - so our travels can be limited at times. we're trying to talk ryan into going to tybee island, georgia so we can eat at the crab shack and try the 22$ seafood sampler platter. we may just head out when he's done with his project - he'll watch the kids and we'll have a girls night, or a girls couple of days, since its about 5 hours away.

there's karaoke at my old favorite bar on 15 march. nigel and i are planning on getting wasted and belting out pat benatar all night. mark your calendars, its going to be an event.

i'm still working on my pros and cons list. i might post that tonight, i'm not sure.

did i tell you that i think that i may be getting rid of my uugof in the next couple of months? i'm a little sad about that, but i just can't afford him anymore. my poor little uugof, we've had quite the tumultuous relationship but he's been good to me. i will miss him. :(

i played mario kart today. i loved that game when i was 11 and i love that game now. it only takes about 20 minutes before i start to develop carpal tunnel and my thumbs hurt. and i suck now and i'm playing a 4 year old. i can't imagine the game got much harder, i think i just suck that much more. boo hiss boo.

okay. i'm going to go look for cookies.

where did i put those cookies?

i'm hungry for grape nuts. i like grape nuts. it's a healthy cereal but i like to make it very unhealthy by putting entirely too much sugar on it and a whole lot of milk. yum. the kitties love the milk from my unhealthy grape nuts; i'm very popular in the mornings at home.

i'm so happy - i'm going on four or so nights of unmedicated nights of real sleep. i'm excited to go to sleep at night, i sleep for long periods of time, my dreams are back to normal (read: whacked out, bizarre, weird), i'm not waking up - i'm even sleeping in. i think it's helping that libbeth and ryan are keeping me up until the wee hours of the morning on a regular basis, which isn't normal for the janel at this point. physically, i'm feeling pretty well.

there's changes going on at home; big changes, the kind that make you feel kind of bad for having frivolous vacation fun. not that i could do anything if i were there, except make that "i'm sorry this is happening" face and maybe offer to make dinner (let me warm up that broasted chicken for you) or put the dog out. but it still makes me feel bad. no one is sure of what will be happening and uncertainty is a terrible feeling - it's affecting a lot of people i care about and that makes me feel terrible. i wish i could help.

have i mentioned on here that i'm considering a life change, like a serious life change? (it seems like i do this every couple of years, don't i?) but considering that i really have nothing going on at home - no job, no life, no significant other - it seems viable to consider options in areas other than iowa, doesn't it? so part of my trip is looking into jobs and homes and things that i like and things that i don't. and while i haven't really had a chance to seriously look into much since i've been here, it's definitely been on my mind. i talked about it with my mom before i left and we've talked about it since i've been here - she's not pressuring me into anything, either way - i'd miss her terribly if i moved even an hour away, but this is the kind of decision that needs to be made so that things can happen. so i need to make a pros and cons list. i'll be doing that sometime soon.
okay. time to eat. the janel is hungry. kthxbai.