what time is it? it's cold in here.

i think it's monday. my days are running together. when i worked, i looked forward to the weekends because it signaled no work and time at home. when i didn't work but the bee was employed, i still looked forward to weekends because it meant we could hang out (or argue or break up or whatever we chose to do that weekend). but now, since we're both home, all the days run together and weekends are no more special than weekdays and if i didn't have a calendar i wouldn't be able to tell a wednesday from a sunday.

it is monday, right?

it doesn't help that days and nights are just suggestions right now. the mini-bee isn't much for scheduling or timeliness. and at six weeks that's okay. if the little man is six years old and still trying to eat three times a night, we're going to have words.

did i tell you guys i rejoined chubby kids? first two weeks i did awesome; this last week, not so much. when i fall off the wagon, i fall hard. like standing up in the wagon and running off the back end at full speed. which, for a chubby kid, isn't that fast but i carry a lot of velocity. my mass prohibits any real acceleration. i'm going to go to my meeting this week but i won't weigh-in, i don't need to see just how badly i'm doing. the flip-side of this is that maybe a little public humiliation would do me some good. i don't know. i do know that i'm tired of salad and chicken but not scrambled eggs and popcorn - can a girl survive on scrambled eggs and popcorn? i guess i've survived on worse for longer; at least eggs and popcorn are better for me than martinis and tequila.

martinis and tequila almost sounds better than eggs and popcorn though. and if i had martinis for breakfast and tequila for lunch, i'd pass out by dinner and wouldn't care about my remaining points for the day.

something about this just doesn't sound right...

i had my first drinks, post-baby, last weekend. the bee and mini-bee and i went to his parents for dinner last friday night. his entire family was there and his almost-sister-in-law and i sat in his mom's kitchen and proceeded to drink a bottle of tequila. okay, she nursed a drink or two for six hours and i downed most of a bottle of tequila. mini-bee was cuddled and carried and held and fed by family and almost-sister-in-law and i had a pretty good time. it was nice to have an evening like that, it was a good way to ease myself back into the real world. although it still doesn't occur to me that i can have a drink when we're out - i'm always like, "i want tea" and then when everyone else orders beer or fun drinks, it dawns on me that i'm not pregnant anymore. but by then it's too late and i don't want to be the pain in the ass at the table, changing orders and having the wait staff spit in my drink.

okay. we're having a friday the 13th marathon in honor of the new friday the 13th movie coming out tomorrow... on tuesday the 16th. huh. that's jacked up.

while the little man naps...

brodie doesn't mind if mommy facebooks or checks her email. but brodie throws a fit everytime mommy even thinks about blogging. he's got a sixth sense that tells him that i might be thinking about something other than him and that is just unacceptable - WAHHH! but he seems to be sleeping pretty soundly at the moment so i'm going to give this a try.

things around here are pretty good, for the most part. brodie is growing like a weed and is changing everyday. he's started staying awake longer - most afternoons we get four or five solid hours of awake time with him, which is kind of fun, except that i'm not always sure what i should be doing with him. so we sing and we dance and i tell him what i'm doing as i'm doing it. he's not a big fan of tummy time and i'm not a big fan of making the baby cry, so we do a few minutes on his activity mat until the frustration of not being able to see takes over and he starts screaming. he loves his swing and he's getting to love his bouncy seat. i'll set him up on the counter in his bouncy seat and let him watch while i cook or clean or make bottles. eating is still his favorite activity as the little porker weighed in at 11 pounds, 9 ounces at his last doctor's appointment over a week ago. just two nights ago he slept through the night, from 9:30 to 4:30. and last night he slept from 10 to 6. the bee and i are getting so much sleep lately we're not sure how to act if we can't be tired and grumpy.

not that we're not still grumpy, we just can't blame it on brodie.

the bee and i? well, we're still plodding along on the sidewalk that is our life. sometimes we walk beside each other, sometimes i walk behind him and kick the bottoms of his feet and sometimes he runs to the bar nearest our path and hides out for a while. i can't say that things are perfect; i don't know if things will ever be perfect. i guess for the moment we're tolerating the status quo. how's that for true love and bliss?

things around here are changing, though, and not really by choice. the bee got laid off this week - that goes into effect on friday - and i've been trying to contact giant conglomerate bank to find out about going back to work and so far no one has responded. to be perfectly honest, i'm not heartbroken over this - i hate my job - but i would at least think if they didn't want me back they'd tell me. i have been looking for other work; there has to be a job somewhere that i can at least tolerate, i'm just not sure what it is. the bee is picking up odd jobs for friends and family and doing what he can to stay busy. he's talking about working for his uncle in chicago for a week or so and wouldn't that be a fun family vacation? right...

i don't know. i'm trying hard not to stress over things i cannot control and to manage what i can without making people around me crazy.

little man is waking up; i need to make a bottle and get my day going.