i always knew i was important.

ask and you shall receive, boys and girls.

no really.

yesterday i was complaining about word verification on my blog. a little more research and i found out this wasn't standard for all blogger users. it's only for those that are suspected of splogging (spam blogging).

how rude is that? i mean, i've published some crap in my day but i'm not spam!

so this evening i find a nice little message from blogger in my inbox.

"Hello, Your blog has been reviewed, verified, and cleared for regular use so that it will no longer appear as potential spam. If you sign out of Blogger and sign back in again, you should be able to post as normal. Thanks for your patience, and we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused.

Sincerely, The Blogger Team"

well isn't that special? i didn't even request that they do this. it just happened. i heart you, blogger. superjanel will be sticking around for a while longer. :)

today was non-productive. it's like because i got up so early and got stuff done yesterday i was not allowed to arise before 1100 or accomplish anything. i went to best buy and got a sd micro card for my phone, that makes me happy. and then i had lunch at jimmy john's and that always makes me happy. i took the roommate to his appointment and then we bought stuff for the new giant fishtank in the living room, which at the moment has a very odd layer of snot floating on the top. but he's not concerned about it and there's no fish in there yet so nothing is dying, it's just kind of gross.

we ended up in prairie du chien this evening. i don't even really know why, just something to do i guess. they have a cabela's there, which i highly recommend for those of you that are into dead and stuffed and mounted animals. there are lots of them there and they're even propped up all lifelike and in attack mode, picking on other dead, stuffed and mounted animals. it's special. i found the tent i want to buy if i ever have a need to buy a tent. (that's not likely to happen but i guess it's good to be prepared.) this tent has cupholders attached to the inside! and a place to put a heater. it's practically a house but it should be for the bargain basement price of 649$. wtf? that's like a months' rent. cabela's, you can suck my nut.

but i bought a crapload of cheese for like 9$. i love cheese. and they have lots of cheese in wisconsin. don't tell anyone i said this, but i kind of like wisconsin. but all you madison-ites can still suck it. :P

didn't get to have the conversation i wanted to have this evening - at least not with the person i wanted to talk to. isn't it funny how the person you don't want to talk to is the one that always calls? it's like they know they're not wanted so they put themselves in front of you as often as possible and either force you to converse or force you to tell them they're not wanted. except i've made it really hard to actually reject this person so i kind of feel bad just not responding at all. and i've stopped feeling guilty about it. i talked to libbeth about this and she pointed out that it's not my responsibility to make other people's relationships work. while i'm not necessarily an innocent bystander (LOL!) i'm also not 100 percent at fault either.

but anyway. tomorrow's another day. and another phone call made/received/ignored...

if you keep talking i'll tell you what you want to hear.

what a weird day. i've been plagued by weird days lately. a zinged out weekend followed by a whacked out monday and tuesday and now wednesday? what on earth could the rest of the week hold?

a couple of things are keeping me from sleeping this evening. my star is in trouble, she's not doing well, her life is completely turned upside down and she's not coping. i'd expect as much from someone in her position at her age, to me it seems normal and maybe only because i've walked in those shoes before. her home life lacks the stability she needs to make any sort of sound decision and the availability of excuses provided by her parents is astounding - why is it that her parent can't be a parent - she can only be a friend? and not even a friend that takes care of you - it's one of those toxic friendships based on jealousy and insecurity. but i'm concerned about her. and my personal experience lends itself to something a little different but i can still relate. i just don't know if she wants me to. i don't know if she wants to hear. i don't want to be a toxic relationship - i don't want to tell her for sympathy, i'm not trying to outdo her and her current situation. i just want her to understand that these feelings, the bleak and cold, the darkness and the loneliness - they pass. they fade. and things get better. she's just got to give it time. that's the only thing that heals those feelings.

i watch situations like this unfold with those around me and i don't think i should have kids. i can't guarantee that i'd be a normal parent. i'm a little too self-involved to be responsible for the welfare of someone else, a little person, someone who would depend on me for life and sustenance.

i mean, some days, i forget to feed the cats...

so last night, after all that i went through yesterday personally, i went to see my lil star in the hospital. i didn't do anything drastic, i was just there to give her an ear, to let her know that i care. that she means the world to me - i mean, for god's sake, i loaned her a tickle bunny. for those of you that know me, you know that there is no other symbol of trust and love that could ever mean more to me. i gave her one of the things in my life that is made of pure happiness - rainbows and sunshine and puppies - and i wanted her to have it, just to know that someone loves her. it's one of the most comforting things in my life and i wanted to share it with her because she means so much to me. i hope she knows that.

and then i reminded her that it was only a loan... but i got her to smile.

i took the gran massa with me last night. he's often misguided but he's nothing if not loyal and last night was no difference. he's a good friend to me. he lets me cry and carry on and be dramatic and stupid and all the while he tries to comfort me as best he knows how. he doesn't always understand but he tries and that's all i can ask. i'm lucky to have him as a friend.

i didn't get to bed until nearly 0700. late dinner, early drinks and bizarre cartoons made for a late, late night.

i didn't accomplish much today. i had a list of things i wanted to do today and it just didn't happen.

i got a disappointing phone call this evening. baxter has to cancel next week's trip. i won't lie, i was a little upset. i found the entire thing a little concerning and i took it a little personally. not necessarily the correct way to take it, but it was my first response. after being coerced into calling him back, i find that i feel much better. although it could completely be his wife and seven children that are keeping me from seeing him this coming week, i have a feeling it's prolly work related and not his fault. i mean, he did sound quite apologetic. unless maybe i'm just a sucker and completely falling for this line of crap. but my gut says otherwise. and so i'm going to go with it. we're going to try to find a weekend that works for both of us... sooner hopefully than later. it's an interesting feeling to be so attracted to someone that technically i've never met - only to know personality-wise makes things interesting to say the least.

and the conversation is always good...

but if the next meeting goes awry, i may begin to think otherwise.

have you ever seen a 4,500$ stuffed animal? gran massa and i went to dinner tonight on his casino points. averaging about 1 point for every 3 dollars played/transacted in the casino, our dinner and my stuffed dog ended up costing about $26,000. it was good and the dog is cute, but when you break down the actual amount of money that essentially changed hands, it's a little sad. but it didn't stop me from gorging on orange roughy and lobster corndogs.

mmm. corndogs. :)

tomorrow i will post photos of my new 4,500$ dog. he's cute. his name is skeez and he requires no baths. woot!

so now i'm going to bed, visions of upcoming vacation in my head. what shall i do with my two days next week? perhaps i'll stay home and be responsible, catch up on work i need to do.

we'll see. gnite.

love,
superfreakindisappointedbutunderstandingjanel

my roommate is trying to kill me...

i've had a good couple of days.

yesterday i went to the qc (not to be confused with the oc) and spent time with the fam, being a friend to my lil cuz. i remember being a confused 16-year-old, but i don't remember my driver's ed teacher being so hot.

his name is joel. OMG. i've put in a request for private driving lessons...

but i had a good time. we shopped, we browsed, we swapped belly button rings in the parking lot, we ate at the ihop, we shared boy stories and war stories - she's amazing.

i just wish she knew it.

today was fun. gran massa and i went mushroom hunting. that lasted for all of about 17 minutes and then he got frustrated because he's never found a mushroom (or at least never found a mushroom and not stepped on it). so then we went mountain climbing.

i'm not kidding. we went climbing up the side of a damn mountain.

in dbq.

up like thousands of feet and then across the side of a miniature freakin' grand canyon and then down the side of a canyon. this bitch was not happy about this at all, especially when the "trail" ended like 7 feet from the driver's side of my car.

i truly think he was trying to kill me. because more than once i looked down and about hyperventilated myself off the side of a mountain. holy crizzap, boys and girls. superjanel does not do well with heights. unless it's in airplanes or helicopters or other contained objects. like tall buildings. anyway. that picture? that's the grand massa showing me how to get down the side of a mountain. yeah, um, i don't do so well on mountains.

you know, if he wants the damn fishtanks that bad, he should just ask. it's a whole lot cleaner than taking me up a damn mountain and watching my stupid ass fall off.

ugh.

i never should have written a will.

so much for lent. i gave that up this evening. i wish there were perfect baseball-playing driver's ed teaching boys and roller rinks in dbq. unfortunately, all the boys are gay or taken and the roller rinks close at supper time. such is my life. so i took up again and finished this morning. it feels good. i'm back to myself and back to normal... ?... yeah, i'm not sure. :)

i talk too much when i'm drunk. i wish people listened less. thank god i didn't drink and dial.

i should go to bed. i have nightmares of mountain climbing and dreams of baseball players with fantasmical shoulders to tend to.

hope your night is as superb as mine has been...

love,
superfreakinnotsogreatatlentjanel

congratulations, universe... you win.

i'm having one of those days. you know, where it's like every sentence is taken out of context and nothing comes out right. i've been an absolute bitch for the last week and i'm not sure why. i can't think of any one person that i've been nice to, except maybe my mom, and if i were a snarky bitch to her she'd take me out of this world, since she brought me into it and all.

she's said that line since i was old enough to listen. 'i brought you into this world and i can take you out of it.' i've heard other people say it since then and it just cracks me up... i mean, other people don't say it to me, necessarily, but i hear them say it to their kids, and it makes me laugh.

the really sad thing is my mood is better today, or at least it is right now. i'm feeling better, even though my stomach is not. i'm not hungry, and i haven't been for days. part of this is stress. much is going on now, and much i'd rather not talk about, so i won't.

a couple of good things did happen today. today was the beginning of the ncaa tournament. i love bracket season. i have brackets all over the place; so many that i can't remember my logins to most of them; the one that i can remember isn't doing so well; i'm currently in 219,199th position and that just cracks me up. it's been decided that the medal for this position is either made of tin foil or nerf foam. (i'm voting for nerf foam. that stuff is awesome. all bendy and shape shifting and just plain awesome.)

i went and saw my family today. i've been missing out on human contact lately. human contact and common sense. i miss my brother, why, i'm not sure, because he's a dickhead, but he cracks me up. he's moving to an apartment on the third floor of this new building so he can look at this beautiful shit creek/culvert thing and he's excited about it. i don't know if it's dawned on him yet that it's on the third floorand that's three flights of stairs. he doesn't have any heavy furniture. that's a plus. he just has exercise equipment and weights. sucker... he's not really a dickhead, not generally, he just acts like one (he just plays one on tv).

i heard from i-know-who today. (ha ha... i know who and you don't!) i think he was just attempting to play my game with me. little does he know that i don't really have a game, my game is just called being an absolute fucking genius and there is no way he will ever win at that in spite of his best efforts. however, i will continue to allow him to amuse me until such time as i tire of his efforts and/or i travel to meet this person face to face and i decide that he is not tall as i think he should be or his ties just don't do it for me since he doesn't have floppy hair and he doesn't have an accent, even though he rightfully could have an accent and chooses not to. is there anything else i'd like to say about that? just two things, really. damn you duke and illinois, don't fail me now!

i'm tired now. i think i may go to bed. i have to be up early so i can look supercute (yes, that is a word. google that shit.) and attempt to fool my doctor into thinking i'm superwell and can go to work and retain my job so i can have a paycheck so i can pay my rent and start being a non-money-grubbing member of society.

i'll let you know how that works out.

toodles.

ps - does anyone know when the office is coming out of reruns? it's enough to make a girl pick up drinking again. thank god lent ends in like 18 days. that's going to be a great friday. :D

coincidence? i think not.

*sigh*

apparently, 'tis the season to fall out of love. that's okay. c'mere davey boy. do let me console you.


i know. you don't want to hear anymore about it. we don't have to talk about that. we can talk about other stuff. i don't care what. i'll make it all better... :)


see? you're starting to feel better already.

me too... :D

where's olive?

the other day, it was the day after v-day, i was in hy-vee. and there were these two dudes standing in front of the clearance v-day flower display. and one dude said to the other dude, "look how much fucking money i wasted!"

ahh, love.

is there a statute of limitations on not calling someone back within a reasonable amount of time? last week, i told someone i would call on thursday. and now, officially, it's monday of a different week and i haven't called. is it rude to call now? is it rude to call and not have an excuse as to why i didn't call? or do i need to have an excuse? what constitutes reasonable, anyway? a week? a month? six months? a year? a decade? um, yeah. i lost your number....?

i discussed this with a friend, whom i'm going to leave un-named for my wellbeing as well as his, and he said that yes, i need to have an excuse and that excuse had better well be death. that seemed a little harsh. i asked if that death should be mine or someone else's and apparently that part doesn't matter. death is a reasonable excuse for not calling for five days when i said that i would.

hmmm... so this has the little wheels in my brain turning. i'm obviously not dead. and no one close to me is dead. honest to god, i just didn't feel like picking up the phone and talking to him. isn't that reason enough? the thing is, there's no nice way to say that. 'so, yeah. i'm sorry i didn't call. yeah, i don't know what happened. i was um... tired. and my hair was really dirty. and i got stuck in traffic. and i had to go buy eggs. and the cheese was moldy. fuck it man, i just didn't feel like talking to you, okay?'

but the thing is, i kind of like this guy. right now, in a completely platonic, um, you're-interesting-to-talk-to-but... i-really-don't-want-anything-else-from-you... at-least-not-right-now... kind of way. that's not such a bad thing, is it? we have a lot in common. we both have very twisted senses of humor and we both think i'm the funniest person we know. :D

but in all seriousness, i do like this guy. he's just too serious too fast. i don't want anything long term or committed and while i've indicated in every way that i know how, short of hiring an airplane towing a banner, it hasn't stopped him from coming on just a little too strong for my liking.

so there you have it. there's the real reason i haven't called him back. so now what?

don't you wish you could go back to like seventh grade when all you had to do was check yes, no or maybe? i do. i was a big fan of maybe. always keep 'em guessing...

champ i ate your chocolate squirrel. sorry.

okay. i'm no longer busy, so i'm back.

so. today, the nice but undate-able guy at work once again sought me out in my baggage haven to prove what, i don't know, perhaps that he has an infallible sense of direction that brings him in from the cold and into the building. i really don't know why else he keeps showing up, unless my saying 'hello' gives him the right to stalk me. okay. not fair. stalker is a little harsh. he's not stalking me, but he does cause me to think a little bit more carefully about the time of day that i leave. because if i time it just right, i don't have to see him. because i don't want to see him. ugh.

what else? my best good work friend took off the other day on a little mini vacation. to florida? nope. to chicago? nope. to lax? nope. the weirdo took off to senegal. i don't even know where that is. okay, now i do. thanks google. he's been there for about a day and a half or something like that and now he's on his way home. what's the point? why africa? i guess why not but still.

okay. so i had this dream the other night that i was playing basketball with roberto, and for those of you that know me, playing basketball is actually not the weird part of this dream, and i ended up breaking my ankle. cast and crutches and all. so the thing that upset me in this particular dream was the fact that i couldn't get up or down my stairs. i live on the third floor. it was impossible. i was disabled, temporarily, and i was pissed about it. in fact, i was still pissed when i woke up. and then i realized, it wasn't the broken foot that i was upset about or even the cast or the crutches. it was the fact that i live alone and i'm afraid of something like that happening. what would i do? i don't know. but since my foot's not broken i'm not really going to worry about it. but i'm also not going to be playing basketball anytime soon. you're surprised, aren't you?

sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

so obviously, as it's the seventh of december, i've paid my rent. which puts me 16.333 percent through my lease and 16.333 percent closer to getting out of iowa. yay me. i don't know where i'm going, yet, but it's going to be warm and within a 30 minute drive to a large body of water. and i don't mean lake red rock. although it's a nice lake, and goddamnit, it's the biggest manmade lake in iowa, you bastard, it's no pacific ocean.

get out here, panda-jerk.

oh? remember my mentioning a pathetic 90s white rapper? yeah, i couldn't come up with a better nickname for him, i wasn't feeling very creative at the time and right now i don't really care. regardless, he's all they say he is. i kind of like him; i may keep him around for a while.

okay. jazz flute. i have to go. peas out, fellers.

what's that noise?

back to life, back to reality. back to work and everything that goes along with it. i had a chance to discuss life with the texas ranger, whom i've missed dearly. we're on different shifts now, so we rarely get a chance to chat. it was nice to be back at work and back to a regular schedule. i have a week of vacation in january, right after new years. the texas ranger and i are talking about going to palm springs for a day or two and heading to a spa. i could use a massage.

i'm sitting in my living room, across from vanilla ice. i have to admit... i'm a little intimidated. he's awfully pretty. i just wonder if he's as good as everyone says. i'll have to let you know. he brought strawberries and cream, he can't be that bad. at least he's thoughtful. more on this to come...

no more fart noises, please.

my computer just like wacked out. i was trying to type an apostrophe and everytime i'd push the apostrophe key, it would make this weird farting noise. not my computer, but mozilla. this weird little box would flash and it would fart. how fucking weird is that. hmm. well, i restarted and now i can apostrophe to me lil' heart's content. yippee!

so. the news for the day is:

****i'm going to cancun!****

did you notice the apostrophe? no fart noises. rock. but yeah. i decided, fuck it. dolly's only going to be 21 once and i need a break. so i'm going to go to cancun and drink myself stupid on the beach. or wherever the group goes. something about her and sue and a few ua peeps from msn. whatever. give me some sun and some sand and a mai tai and i am soooo ready to go with the flow. i've got my days at work covered and i've got a bunch of shit to sell on ebay to make the money i'll spend while i'm down there. rock the hell on. this will be fun. we'll meet in dfw on the 26th and come home on the 29th. just long enough to get a sunburn and a veneral disease. only kidding. vd does not a good souvenir make.

i told my mom i was going to cun, i thought for sure she'd be upset and tell me my priorities are out of order. in fact, it was quite the opposite. she was telling me i needed to go and i was the one saying it's just not responsible. well fuck responsible. i'll figure something out. i always do. i want to go and i deserve to go. i haven't seen sue or dolly for months and months. and i do love the ocean. the resort is all-inclusive. fun, fun, fun.

so. i have a ton of longaberger stuff to sell on ebay. do you want to buy a basket? i have lots of baskets. and i'm not selling even half of them...yet. baskets and clothes and crap. would you like to buy some crap? i wanted to get stuff listed tonight but it's not going to happen. so instead i'll get all my photos ready and take measurements for my descriptions and get ready to list tomorrow night. crap... crap for sale...

so there's all these new people at work since nwa got outsourced. and 90 percent of them are retarded. not like officially retarded, but pretty freaking stupid. there are these stickers on the doors that say push to open. because right next to the door there's a green 'exit' button. (no fart noises there either.) you push the green button to get the door to unlock so you can pull it open. but i guess if you're retarded that's hard to comprehend. some chick got stuck on the back side of baggage claim because she was pushing on the door and couldn't get out. and then apparently she had a genius moment because she did eventually reappear. "i don't know why that door says push to open... you have to pull on that door to get out." hmmm... i would think they'd have a minimum iq requirement to work that sort of job but maybe not. do you have a pulse? perfect! you're hired!

the kitties are getting along beautifully. now they lick each other's faces and then bite the holy hell out of each other. it's sweet. no, seriously, they get along okay. they do like to play at ungodly hours, though, like 0300. and 0530. crazy bastards.

i'm infatuated with csi:miami because i'm in love with david caruso. sometimes the entire show has a yellow tint to it; but i wonder if that's not my tv. or maybe miami is so much closer to the equator than iowa that the rays from the sun absorb the color from the surrounding sand and disney world and it reflects as yellow instead of white. maybe not. i don't know.

isn't he cute? i love the way he talks. plus, the old csi have rory cochrane in them. ahhh yes... lucas. yum!

finally, i get to go to a dildo party. finally. heather's having one tomorrow night and i don't have to work late. in fact, i may try to leave a little early to get there on time. i need all the dildo time i can get. :) i've missed all the other ones, so i'm looking forward to going.

nigel and i are going drinking on friday night. rock on. bob's going to some ultimate fighting thing or something, i can't remember. he told me about it last weekend. this saturday is the last day the ice cream store is open until next march. i'm sad. where will i go for ice cream now? paying for it just doesn't seem quite right and i doubt hyvee is just going to let me have ice cream. so we're drinking in honor of the whippy dip closing. and whatever else comes to mind. perhaps i'll call blue eyes to see if he can get a babysitter and some free time... maybe not. i don't know. i haven't talked to him in over a month. i just never called. god, i sound like a dude. that's just not right; there's something wrong with me.

i applied for another job at hdq. another tariff job. i hear that the powers that be are a teenie-weenie bit upset with me because they want to give me more responsibility and i keep trying to get out of the station. jesus, who wouldn't want to get out of there? its fucking depressing. we're all miserable, the bond that ties is that we're all miserable about the same thing. but we're all so spoiled with our travel benefits that no one wants to leave. i'm sure it won't go anywhere, this application i've submitted, but you never know. i'll never get out if i don't try. i could live in dfw. that'd be okay.

okay. csi is on. i'm going for now. ta-ta.

lucky lucky...you're so lucky

oh, things are looking up. i ended up with my saturday off. nigel is already making plans for my entire day and as long as my buzz keeps up, i may just let her. i'm not sure yet. i'm not entirely sure how that happened, a saturday off, but i'm not complaining. :D the texas ranger is siiiick. she sounds like ass. i got a strange little message from ict mark, he's in vegas for training. sure. why can't i go to vegas for training? i want to go; i've never been. boo.

i'm tired but i can't sleep. my mind is still at work, a million miles a minute: things i didn't get done today that i wanted to do, things i have to do tomorrow that i'm not going to get done, and a slew of random people - some i want to think about and others i don't. but it's all just there and i can't put it to bed, even though i'm in bed and i want to let it all go. i'm considering going full-time at work. i don't make any more money, but it's a guarantee of 40 hours per week. then i could pick up on top of that when i can. i don't really want to, but i think i need to.

the gossip hounds at work are sleeping on the job. there's been no new news on the workfront regarding my best good friend and his predicament. the silence is deafening. and maddening for those that want to be in the know. it's as if there is nothing to know, as if nothing happened - but someone is missing and no one seems to know why. tomorrow may be the day that provides answers, closure, something. finally.

i'm seriously peeved about this vegas thing and his nerve to send me photos and information about his training. how come i'm not in vegas for training? ugh. no fair.

dusty baker getting fired from the cubbies was a page six story in today's usa today sports section. what is the world coming to? i mean yes, we all knew it was coming, but still - page six? rude. it sort of makes me sad, i don't think he got a fair shake this last year, injuries and wimpy pitchers would have made it a rough year for anyone in his position. but i'm not consulted before such decisions are made. i heart baseball. i heart baseball players. and bendy straws... hehehehe....

one great thing i've found about living alone is that i can come home and watch sportscenter in bed until 3a.m. if i so desire, with no one to complain that i'm watching the same show over and over and over. there are many great things: i can leave clothes in the dryer. i can eat cheese and bread and fruit for every meal. i can work all the damn time. i can answer my phone late at night. i can do all of these things without getting dirty looks. it's wonderful.

one thing that sucks about not having tivo: i have to wait for my episodes of the office to come out on itunes, which generally happens the day after, but i don't like the idea of waiting. especially with this jim and pam saga... however, this thursday i think meekin and i have a date, which is a good reason not to watch or be concerned about it. yay for me and meekin! i should take our bottle of bailey's... :D where is ict mark when you need him?

okay. need to watch the yankees highlights.