neosporin is the answer to everything.

infected hangnail? neosporin. scrape on the elbow? neosporin. advanced calculus problem, solving for a, b, x and y? neosporin. big ass thing on your ... ass? (that's like the club for redundancy club!) neosporin. fell off your bike because you were picking a serious wedgie and got a scraped up leg in the process? yup. neosporin fixes that too. well, some of that.

i'm back. and i'm so sunburned i hurt.

so yes, i went camping. i'm not a big fan of camping but this wasn't exactly roughing it. the roommate's parents have a motorhome parked in wisconsin. nothing spectacular, especially the location (next to the river, which is nice, but 500 feet from two sets of train tracks and a major highway - hardly tranquil), but better than a tent and an outhouse.

i'm not sure why i was invited. i tend to think it was more for the ride up there than out of friendliness but that could just be bitterness towards the roommate talking right now. he knows i hate just about everything outdoorsy that doesn't involve baseballs but he still asked me to go. so i went.

and it was okay. other than the life jacket incident, nothing too out of the ordinary. because it's a motorhome and because they have nothing better to spend their time or money on, the roommate's parents have added life's little necessities, like directv and a telephone and highspeed internet. wtf? not that i'm complaining but i can't believe that is still called camping. anyway, last night i still got to watch espn and csi, so it was okay. today i laid out in the sunshine and broiled my stupid ass; i was kind of crabby after that. :(

i'm still crabby. who am i kidding?

i'm going home for the weekend for the giant festivus for the rest of us who are NOT dutch and who are proud of that fact. not sure if i'll be assisting at the ice cream store or helping at the dealership. and yes, my weekend is starting on wednesday, fools, you read that correctly. i'm not sure if i'll be accomodated in the dutch village or back home in c-town. i do have plans on saturday night and i am looking forward to that. :)

my blogging friend, the wannabe-texan that lives in oklahoma, had the nicest things to say about me and my hair. but disregard the part about telling me how great OU is. he must still be drunk... :)

i'm going to bed now. i have to be up early. ew...

give me as little responsibility as possible.

the roommate left today and the house is mine until sunday night. what shall i do in his absence?

absolutely nothing. it will be quiet and it will be wonderful. i'm going to lounge, read my MIT tech review magazines and watch sportscenter. when i'm not working, that is... because i only have two more days of work and then i have 10 days off!

woot!

so what am i doing with my 10 days off? (because i know you really want to know...)

i've got some appointments and a job interview, i want to go see my cousins in the quad cities, i'm working one day at job #2, i'm contemplating a bit of travel (to the east coast! all you easterners best prepare for locusts and fire raining from the sky!) and of course, i'll spend some time loafing.

or i could stay busy and sling ice cream at the ice cream store during the overrated flower fesitvus in the dutch village of all that is holy, overpriced, poorly spelled and hidden in the back of the closet, although the idea of that is far from appealing.

yes, folks. i'm talking about tulip time. what? you've not heard of tulip time? that's ludicrous! (not ludacris but similar.) that's absurd! that's ... actually pretty fuckin' normal if you're not from around here.

do let me enlighten you. tulip time is a three-day festivus in the dutch village of all that is holy, overpriced, poorly spelled and hidden in the back of the closet - otherwise known as pella. i like to call those that live there pella-cans but they like to call themselves dutch. dutch people and tulips and windmills - this is the core of tulip time; it's a big festivus for the rest of us who aren't dutch and don't care to be but we want to watch a big parade and eat mini pancakes for three days straight and let the dutch bastards think we envy them and their wooden shoes and super green lawns.

it's kind of silly, unless you're dutch. they take it so seriously i could be assassinated for having said that.

i'm not particularly wanting to do that next weekend, but it is an option. i could also go to charlotte if libbeth would have me. or maybe i'll stick to my original plans, i'm not sure.

SO. today was a great day. i got my new debit card in the mail, which replaces the one i got a few weeks ago when i lost the original one in a truck. the second one i lost in a convenience store while on a drunken tirade in wisconisin about a week and half ago. it was later recovered in a rack of donuts (which is a story in of itself) but just to be safe i cancelled it. now i'm on my third one, and i plan on either drilling a hole in it and wearing it around my wrist or (b) keeping it in my bra at all times.

but what if i'm not wearing a bra? oh god. then what will i do if i have to get gas? (right now, my mom is thinking wtf would you be doing getting gas and NOT wearing a bra?) so that idea may not work so well. it's too bad i can't just have that magnetic strip just burned into my arm or something, then i could just paypass myself at the convenience store.

now that's an idea...

AND, this is exciting. this happened today. i told you this was going to be a good day!!

I GOT MY DIVORCE PAPERS IN THE MAIL! WOOT! i want to frame the sonsabitches. i'm so happy, it's just fabulous! it's final, it's over, it's done, i'm audi 5000. i called everyone i could think of to let them know - cuz i was having a martha stewart moment: 'it's a good thing.'

and what else happened today? ahh yes... the phone call. i followed grandmaster bob's (formerly snackmaster bob) advice and look what happened? i got the phone call i was wondering about. once again, my fears concerning an ebola outbreak in virginia were quelled. there were no loose and rampant mountain lions in dave matthews country. in fact, there was not so much as a tsunami, earthquake or outbreak of really contagious bubonic plague. (as opposed to the strain of bubonic plague that is not so contagious? hmm...) baxter is just ... tired. a lot. awww...

tired? wtf? tired? i'm tired a lot but bitch, if i say i'm calling you, it's a fucking event. break out the streamers and confetti cuz my bitch ass will be on the damn phone and you better say thank you sir, may i have another.

and that's how i feel about that. i'll let you know if i'm over being pissy when i see if he follows through on his assurance that he'd call tomorrow. but just so you know, i'm not holding my breath...

i have to go watch sportscenter now. i'll be back later.

love,
superfreakinhatingthesoonersjanel :)