an alarm i didn't set

so where were you last night at 1am? i should have been sleeping but instead i was standing tippy-toed on a barstool in the baby's room with a 9-volt battery in one hand and a partially distmantled, yet still beeping to high heaven, smoke alarm in the other hand. it's a miracle i didn't land on my face but i was bound and determined that i was not going to have a bum smoke alarm in the baby's room. (not that there's going to be a baby for several more months but i know i'm going to have more on my mind than smoke detectors during that time.) so after about half an hour and a lot of cursing, i swapped batteries and stopped the blessed beeping.

the bedrooms are upstairs in this place and they have sort of a vaulted ceiling thing going on. so of course you can't put a smoke detector in a logical place - a reachable place. nope, they're on the slant and hard to get to. i ended up dragging every chair in the house up the steps last night to find something tall enough to get me within arm's reach. and even the barstool was nearly too short...

so where was the bee in all this melee? asleep on the sofa, impossible to awaken, in spite of the fact that i'm swearing like a sailor, the dog's barking, i'm dragging furniture up and down the steps - he manages to sleep through all of that. how that's possible i don't know.

ugh.

and how was your night?

fish sticks

fish sticks, french fries and DONUTS, oh my!

i love fish sticks. lucky for me, the bee loves fish sticks too. we got a cool daddy deep fryer for christmas and he has been craving fried food since the wrapping paper came off the box. it was one of those things he bugs me to buy all year long but i won't do because if you've seen the latest christmas pictures over at my momma's place, you'll plain as day see WE DON'T NEED ANYMORE FAT.

but whatever. merry christmas, have a clogged artery. or two.

so the birthday boy gets to choose dinner tonight and he wants to use the new deep fryer. he wants fish sticks and french fries. wooo buddy, we're eating high on the hog tonight!

it's okay, it's his birthday. and it's not like it was difficult to make. it's just that the place smells like a dirty hardee's kitchen now. ewww...

i didn't get a chance to ask him what kind of cake he wanted, so i picked one of my favorites, fudge marble with chocolate frosting. YUM.

gotta go, things to eat.

where's the tylenol?

*sigh*

it's over.

the holidays are done and moving is finished, sort of.

christmas was good. christmas was great. the bee and i spent christmas eve at my parents and christmas day with his family. and both events were wonderful. i love christmas. i felt incredibly guilty this year because a lack of funds kept us from buying a lot of presents and that's really the best part - watching people open gifts. but as usual, my mom outdid herself even though it wasn't really necessary and we had a really good time. even christmas day with the bee's family was good. his little sister is a real sweetheart and i'm getting to know his mom better.

we moved this weekend. with huge help from mark and craig and the bee's little sister (and his dad's big truck and trailer) we moved from a teenie-weenie one-bedroom apartment to a larger two-bedroom townhome. the biggest difference - the 16 stairs from floor to floor. i'm not complaining, the layout is great. but because i'm bullheaded and a little dumb when it comes to moving, i refused to stop even though my body was screaming for it last night. and so i unpacked and moved boxes and climbed stairs well into the evening until i really thought i might fall over from exhaustion.

and let me tell you - i'm paying for it this morning. i hurt in places i didn't know i had. it took nearly 10 minutes to get from the upstairs bedroom to the downstairs door just to walk the puppy.

oh, and the poor dog. poor little kingsley was so confused and so scared - he's never known any place other than our tiny little apartment and to see him come in for the first time, his little tail pointed down and his shoulders all hunched over was so, so sad. he was really frightened. he's since discovered that stairs are fun and so is dragging up the shoes from the entryway and throwing his toys down the stairs to run after them is his new favorite thing to do.

to be a dog. or at least, be my dog.

i don't have any picutres of the new place yet but i'll get them soon. i saw the camera not that long ago, i'm just not sure where.

later i have to figure out what kind of cake to make the bee for his birthday. i wonder if he has a favorite kind of cake. i'm thinking cupcakes but it's not really my day... he's 24 today. happy birthday to the bee. :-)

but for now i'm going to go back to bed. i just wanted to see if any of my neighbors had unsecured wireless networks - it looks like i may never have to pay for internet again! woohoo!

it's a holiday classic!

merry christmas from superjanel, the bee, baby wal-mart and millions of special bk lounge employees worldwide.

i'm hungry for girl scout cookies.

i'm writing from a hijacked internet connection. i thought i'd been riding the wireless connection of the neighbors that moved but apparently it's the neighbors across the hall that are hardly ever home. whatever, i don't really care. thanks to who ever it is. (who? whom? i don't know.)

so it's christmas week and my mood is great. no, seriously. i have so much to be happy about right now, i'm just trying to enjoy it all.

the bee and i are still so excited about the news we got last week about baby wal-mart - i feel like it's okay to be happy about being pregnant. i feel like i've been holding my breath for the last two months and finally, it's okay to breathe again. the perinatologist said that everything looks great and that we're having a healthy (and handsome!) baby boy and there is no reason to continue to see the specialists - apparently i'm not high risk anymore and that's okay with me.

i think this has given the bee an immense amount of relief. i know he was upset and scared at the possibility of a special needs child, not that he ever wanted to talk about it. but since learning that things seem to be okay, he's been happier, more open and more interested in the baby. and in me. and that's okay with me too.

this last weekend, despite awful, horrible weather, we made it to the quad cities for a small family christmas get-together and a (huge and absolutely inspiring) christmas program put on by the church i grew up in and would love to get back to if we ever moved back to the area. (podcasts just aren't the same but they are kind of helpful.) but the weather was horrific - snow and black ice and 40-mph winds - we're lucky we had 4wd to get us there and back. and the bee is a pretty safe driver, so i slept most of the way home even though he reportedly white-knuckled the steering wheel for about three hours. but we made it home safe and sound and found that the dog hadn't even messed in his kennel (although he did pee for about three minutes straight once he finally got out side, the poor thing.)

i talked to our new landlord tonight and made arrangements to move in this weekend. we're moving to a great townhome in ankeny - it's about six miles from here to the east and a little bit north. we're going from one bedroom/one bath and about 700 square feet to two bedrooms/two baths and a two-car (attached! yay!) garage and about 1300 square feet for almost exactly what we're already paying.

(thank you craigslist!)

we spent all day yesterday packing - well, i packed boxes and the bee moved them around into various piles under my directions. this is his first time moving like, ever - for real! how do you get to be 24 years old and never have moved in your entire life? i think i've moved probably 24 different times and i'm pretty sure i have a brother and a step-dad that can attest to that. (poor guys. they'll be happy to know we're signing a year-long lease so they'll have a few months to unpack their gunny sacks... i don't really know what that means but mark has always said that.) but it's almost too bad for him that his first real moving experience has to be with me. if you think that i'm anal retentive in everyday activity, you should see me in moving mode. oh wow. stand back. not only do i want things done my way, i want them done yesterday and i want it all unpacked right now. it's probably a blessing that i'm preggo and won't be able to stay up all night unpacking. plus, we're moving in between the holidays and that gives me time off from work to get things done.

christmas is thursday. i love christmas. i love our family traditions and the things we do and the things we eat and just the time we spend together. it's different without my grandma and i'm trying not to focus on that - it hurts too much to think about it right now - but even different can still be good. it's just hard to believe that the holidays are here already. this year has just flown by, and thankfully so in some cases.

but anyway. i wasn't sure when i'd get to post again, my neighbors' internet connections being as sporadic as they are. if i'm not back before christmas, happy holidays to everyone.

ps - i'm accepting all offers of donations of baby stuff! crusty, we should talk! :-)

OMG! It's a ...

...BOY!

(High five, team pink. Good game - better luck next time!)

Baby is definitely a BOY. Look at these pictures...

that is such a boy pose, oh my...

PLUS! I just got off the phone with the perinatalogist and she says she thinks everything looks great and there is no need to be seen by a specialist again. I am practically in tears, hearing this.

The bee and I are so, so happy right now - I can't even begin to explain.

*sigh*

Now we just have to wait for the little guy to get here!

sorry i ruined your black panther party...

(it's true, i know every line to the movie "forrest gump" like the back of my hand. i'm not going to tell you why.)

let me begin by telling you this: christmas parties are overrated. i tend to think that most get-togethers are overrated - it's just the nature of the beast. i'd much rather sit at home and completely veg out than sit in a crowd of people i don't know and watch them get obnoxiously drunk and rowdy. and this doesn't have anything to do with the fact that i'm preggo although it may be triggered by the fact that i'm reaching the neighborhood of being in my 30s (i'm still at least 14 blocks away, so don't go calling me "old" just yet).

but even when i was in the midst of a small-town bar scene i used to be pretty familiar with - even then i thought it was boring. it's the same people doing the same thing every weekend - in and out, no variation on a solid theme. and now, it's different people doing the same thing and i'm bored as hell. and so most social shindigs are of no interest to me. i'm kind of stuck up in that i have a particular group of people i like to spend time with and everyone else can go to hell... i don't need a lot of friends nor do i need a constant stream of people to entertain me.

and how does this relate to christmas parties? it was a company christmas party, for one, and two, it was for a company that i don't work for. so i got to be one of the (ignored) (in)significant others that stood around twirling the straw in my cherry coke while the employees stood around telling "remember when" stories. so i got to stand around in my outfit that wasn't good enough (but sorry honey, that sleaz-o black dress with the giant metal zippers up to there doesn't come in preggo size), with my attitude that was apparently not right (but apparently never is) and try to laugh at the right time so as not to seem rude.

good times.

NOT. 

but it was a good reminder of just how much i love my flannel pants, my dog, and the heat pad, especially when my back hurts from falling on the ice earlier today. 

graceful? no. snobby? yes. but ask me if i care.

hardly fantasmical...

yeah, yeah, i know. a month? was it really necessary to go a whole month? (no.) am i trying to prove a point? (not really.) was i stuck under really heavy furniture? (once, but not blog related.) am i suffering from an incurable disease that renders my hands and fingers useless? (not that i know of...)

let's face it: i'm just lazy. and that's why i haven't been around.

plus, once i'm gone for a few weeks i have this need to post something really fantasmical and outrageous, that's going to make everyone comment and speculate on the wonder that is the janel. but to be honest, i'm not feeling it. i've sort of been in a funk lately - no real reason why, i'm just stressed about things. and i'm taking it out on all the wrong people, blog readers included. 

and i don't mean george clinton funk. i mean, like, all down and sad and stressed and eeyore-ish. 

yes. i'm feeling like a forlorn, handstitched, black-cloud-plagued donkey? is eeyore a donkey? what is he? oh bother....

then i found this and this cheers me up, i don't know why.

and that's about all i've got today.

i love sam's club

my recent cravings for convenience store nachos has gotten out of hand. so out of hand, in fact, that instead of making 3-4 trips a day to kum n' go or quik trip, i had the absolute brilliant idea of going to sam's club today so we could buy nacho cheese and chips and jalepenos in mass quantities.

and we did.

i could eat out of this container with a spoon. YUM.

and then we walked around and ate until we were both just about sick, because saturday is prime sample day at sam's. we had wings and shrimp and ham and egg rolls and hot pockets and juice - it was great. like a little mini buffet.

the ham was so good, in fact, we bought one and i'm going to make it for dinner tomorrow. ten pounds and i'll eat the whole thing myself.

wal-mart (ha! wal-mart - sam's club! hahaha...) loves sam's club. and nachos and ham and cinnamon rolls...

playing catch up. again.

and so begins another one of those posts where i relate the last nearly two weeks of my life to you in retrospect. if i were a good blogger, which i used to be, i would have kept you up to date and i wouldn't have to have such a long-winded post. but since i know that many of the people that come here go to see what my mom has to say if there's nothing new written, i feel like you're all pretty much up-to-date. that said, maybe i can turn this into an espn-like highlights (or low lights, really) post and we can all move on with the now.

know what i mean? here we go... (and these are in chronological order, not at all an order of importance.)

the bee came back last sunday, october 26. it started out as him coming over to talk. just talk. then he was going to stay the night but i made him sleep on the sofa. and at 4am i found him in bed and i was cuddled up next to him. it was one of those things that just happened.

we had our nt scan and our first trimester screening on monday, october 27. the ultrasound was incredible - it looks like baby is doing well. (we're still calling it wal-mart because i refuse to assign a gender just yet.) wal-mart measured well - the doctor said that there was nothing to be seen on the u/s images that concerned her. and hearing her say that made me feel so much better, i can't explain the relief that gave me. i was so stressed about that appointment that when we got home i just fell asleep. it was barely 6pm and i was in bed.

same day, i'm still in bed but it's 11pm and the phone is ringing. this is never good. my mom calls to tell me that my grandma has passed. this is one of those things that you think you're prepared for - you think you've got it under control - and then it happens and you realize that control is a fallacy and you've really got nothing under your thumb but air. because on some level i thought i was ready for this to happen but it turns out i was wrong.

now i'm a pretty cognizant 28-year-old. i was aware of the pain and the suffering that she was going through and i knew she was ready to go. but it dawned on me that there would be no more holidays, no more birthdays, no more phone calls or text messages or trips to grandma's house, in fact it won't even be grandma's house anymore - as soon as i realized that this was it - it was final and it was over and she was gone - i wanted her back. i wanted more time, more of everything. i wanted to go back and appreciate her more, appreciate what i'd had more and it just couldn't happen. i really felt like i'd missed out - i felt bad for not going to see her or calling her or just being more of a good grand kid.

the whole week was hard - family was in town and sometimes the family dynamics get in the way of the real purpose that we're together. but for the most part we pulled it together and had a beautiful memorial service to celebrate the incredible woman that my grandma was. and not only did the majority of the family make it down for the service, but so many of my grandma's friends and acquaintances did too - and there were so many people that i hadn't seen in years or i'd never met at all - to think that the woman that i loved so much was also loved by so many people was amazing. i was still sad - i'm still sad now - but it made me feel good to know that i wasn't the only one who was going to miss her.

the most difficult part of the week was not being able to help my momma. she was so close to my grandma, in spite of the distance from one home to another and the illness that had left my grandma just a shell of her former self. i can't imagine the pain of losing a parent. i've not experienced it and i wish i didn't have to. i understand the whole "circle of life" thing and i know that chances are, i'll bury my parents. it's what kids do. it's how life works, or how it's supposed to work. but it doesn't make it any easier. just like my mom is my rock, my grandma was solid for my mom when things got hard. and even though gram was sick and mom knew it would happen someday, it didn't soften the blow when the time arrived. i don't know what it's like to not be able to talk to my mom or be able to go see her or call her for advice or just know that she's there. all i could do was tell her i was sorry, that i missed grandma too and that i loved her. and it didn't feel like enough. it still doesn't feel like enough.

my grandma was a great lady and i loved her a lot. i still do. in my mind, she's 53 years old. she makes pizza meatballs and grilled cheese and loves her country music and my grandpa. she lets me come over and eat nothing but pillsbury cinnamon rolls and frosted mini wheats all weekend long and i get to stay up late and watch tv and color all over every blank sheet of paper in her house. it's okay when i spill bright pink nail polish on the floor (even though the stain never came out). when my grandpa was out of town, i used to sleep in her bedroom and fall asleep to reruns of newhart and coach. and as i got older, she didn't seem to age. she was still the same to me - and even now, that's how i'm going to remember her.

i miss her.

that was pretty much all of last week. i tried to get back into the my necessary routine of sleep and awake, work and home and doing it again the next day but i feel like i'm still getting back into that routine and i haven't mastered it yet.

the bee is still here and we're doing a lot better. i know that he loves me and i know that i love him but sometimes we can't communicate and we're working on that. but i do know we're on the same page as far as the baby is concerned and after the last few days, that's a good thing.

remember that nt scan and first trimester screening i had done? the doctor's office called on monday morning with the news that it came back positive - which is abnormal - and that i was at high-risk for having a baby with Down syndrome. instead of 1:1053, which is normal for my age, and instead of 1:220, which is the normal risk cutoff, i came back at 1:23, which is definitely concerning. so concerning that i, of course, was in hysterics and call the bee home from work and call my mom to have her calm me down. all the pregnancy books i have don't have a lot of positive information on first trimester screening or Down syndrome and this puts me in more of a funk than before, so for the moment they're all tucked away under the bed.

my first thought is "why me? why again? why can't things be easy or normal?" and as if that wasn't bad enough, i started thinking about all the things i know about Down syndrome, which isn't a lot at all, and they're all stereotypes anyway and this gets me even more upset. but the one thing i do know - and there was never a doubt about this in my mind - is that this doesn't change my mind about the fact that WE ARE HAVING A BABY. it may not be perfect (but what baby is?) and it may be harder than i thought (but i know that was going to be the case regardless) but this is still OUR BABY and it's going to be loved, no matter what.

the bee and i met with a perinatolgist last night that discussed our options for us. and since terminating this pregnancy is not an option for me and the idea of hurting or harming wal-mart doesn't turn me on either, we've decided against the cvs testing (which can be harmful to the baby and painful for me) and we're going to take a less invasive route. we're going with a series of ultrasounds to look for soft markers (or physical characteristics) of Down syndrome.

and the rest, i've decided, is up to God. it's either there or it's not, you know? and while having the invasive testing done would give us a definitive yes, there is D/S or no, there is not D/S, it's not a guarantee that there wouldn't be other things wrong that we hadn't prepared for. so in my eyes, any way we go is a surprise. there could be nothing, there could be lots of things. it could be less severe than D/S, it could be worse. but in the end, it's still a baby. it's still our baby. and it's still a miracle.

before i had a piece of paper in front of me that told me that i was high-risk, i was still high-risk. but i didn't know and therefore didn't care. i'm still going to be excited about this baby and this pregnancy and try to soak it all in because it won't be that long before it's over. yup, i'm getting fat and my momma had to take me shopping for new clothes because none of mine fit anymore. and that's okay with me. this journey is amazing and i wouldn't give it up for the world.

so right now, i'm a little sad, a little scared and a lot excited. this friday is 13 weeks and we're almost out of the first trimester. go wal-mart go! and i'm hungry for convenience store nachos with lots of jalepenos and cheese and a cherry coke. but that's for later.

so much for an espn-like post, huh?

brrrr and windy

it's so windy outside it sounds like it's tornado-ing. for real. it sounds like my windows are blowing in. leaves are all over the place - in the air, on the ground, stuck in my windshield wipers - but not where they're supposed to be and that's on the tree. poor naked trees. kingsley likes leaves, to a point, but when they're blowing around like this he gets all freaked out and refuses to pee in the grass (maybe they tickle, i don't know) and instead pees on the sidewalk. my neighbors have to love that.

but i know they don't hate me as much as my "i watch hardcore porn with the windows open, volume all the way up and the tv facing the world" neighbor downstairs. he's gotta be the most popular guy here, especially with all the parents and little kids running around.

so anyway. yesterday was three dog bakery's dog-o-ween celebration and since i love the three dog bakery and kingsley loves the treats, mom and i thought it would be fun to take the pootie for free goodies. O. M. G. i realized just how unreasonable my dog can be sometimes after we fought with him in the car on the 20 minute ride over there and then had to load him back in the car after walking for 10 minutes when he bit my mom on the knee and ripped her favorite jeans. the little bastard! no, not really - he was really freaked out, being out of his element and especially being surrounded by little kids in costumes. kingsley had a rough day. :( but it was made better when his grandma bought him new food (and bones!) so he persevered. :) he's okay now. i just have to teach him how to sew so he can put a patch on grandma's jeans...

it's a long weekend for me - i haven't had to work all weekend, plus i'm off tomorrow because wal-mart and i have a doctor's appointment with dr. mahone. she's going to want to talk to us about having an nt scan (which i think is a good idea) and doing the quad screen (which i'm not really sold on having done). i wouldn't do anything different even if anything were wrong - so if something were wrong, i'm only going to worry more for the next 7 months. and if something isn't wrong, i'm going to worry myself sick until the test results come back. and in a lot of cases there are lots of false positives, which means i'd be worrying myself for no good reason because there's a chance things would be just fine.

and i really don't need help in the worry department, i do well enough on my own, thank you very much.

i think we're alone now

when i was a kid i had no idea that some artists would remake older (and better) artists' music. so when i first heard this song - "i think we're alone now" - i thought tiffany, in all her red-haired glory, was a musical genius.

it's no wonder my parents laughed at me like they did.

but it's sort of a fitting title, given the situation.

last thursday, i asked the bee to leave.

again.

and he obliged.

again.

there's a lot of hurt feelings on my end and a lot of anger on his end. it's a concoction that doesn't go down easy for anyone. we've talked, and we can talk and talk and talk until we literally are out of words, but nothing is being resolved. sometimes i wonder if the differences are too big and if caring isn't enough.

and so for now, anyway, this is the way it needs to be.

so it's me and wal-mart and kinglsey. and fluffy the goldfish. and we're going to be okay. in spite of my fits of hormones and/or loneliness, we're going to be okay.

it's the only way to be.

civic duty complete

i went and voted this evening. there was satellite voting at the library in town and i decided to go and do my patriotic duty. voting early is a little less exciting - i was the youngest one there by several decades and there's no cute little "i voted" sticker. :( but now i can sit home and watch the coverage on november 4 instead of waiting in line.

i like to watch the election coverage. the first time i could vote was the 2000 election, bush/gore, and i sat up for hours waiting to see how it turned out. yeah. i could have sat there on the sofa for two weeks and it wouldn't have made any difference. but i'd voted and that's what counts.

so the ballot had two sides - the first was all the big names that everyone's familiar with, the second side was city/county stuff that i didn't know much about. my mom always taught me that voting is a private matter and you don't tell who you voted for, but i have to say on like the judges and stuff, when asked "do you think so and so should remain in office?" i had to say yes. i don't want to be the one to put somebody out of a job, not in this climate.

so anyway. yay me. yay for wal-mart, it was baby's first election too.

did i tell you the wal-mart story? lol...

so the day after i had the ultrasound done, i took the photos to my mom's, handed them to her and said, "the baby looks something like a walnut."

she says, "did you say wal-mart?"

"no, a walnut."

"wal-mart?!"

"NO! a waaallllnnuuuttttt."

and as such, the baby is now affectionately referred to as "wal-mart" - everyone's favorite supercenter.

as i promised...

some of the many photographs taken over our vacay... (i'm the cute one with the curly hair, hehehe...)

yup, that's me. i like this picture because my giant-in-real-life head looks crazy small.

et tu, brutus? caesar, doing his thing.

the bee. once again in parole stripes. i swear he owns more shirts than this.

look! i'm not a liar! a different shirt. all that we're lacking is robert loggia. and the piano lessons.

we're world travelers. we hit paris on the way back from vegas.

baby bump or too much bacon? i'm not telling.

the view from the hoover dam. it's NOT a god damn, btw. (sorry mom.)

look at those teeth! god i have beautiful teeth.

my favorite hotel (that i've never stayed at): the venetian. gorgeous.

venice. (as provided by the venetian.)

aww, aren't we cute?

i love to travel buzz buzz buzz...

for those of you not familiar with one of my all time favorite commercials (how could you not remember this classic?!), here you go.

i do love to travel. but the best part of any vacation is coming home to happy doggies and my own bed - there's just no feeling in the world like it.

ahh, vacation. it was a blast. the bee and i got along 94 percent of the time (which has to be a record for us, really) and we spent the majority of our time together. we walked up and down fremont street, we walked up and down the strip, we walked everywhere. it was crazy, the amount of walking we did. this was his first trip to vegas and watching his reactions to the city was fun - he's like a little kid with new toys: "look at that! did you see that one? omg, look at that!" it was cute.

and i do have pictures, but they're still on the camera and i'm at work. check back later.

but vegas is definitely a city for the un-pg. no drinks, limited fish, no hot tubs - ugh. but the bee didn't make too much of an issue about it - the only thing that really caused an argument was my urge for massive amounts of cheese one morning around 2am. room service (because i was *not* getting out of my jammies) didn't have a cheese plate for 1; it was a cheese plate for 12. and it cost $50, once you add in a tip and my ginger ale. so yeah. i sat up, watched some old school montel and ate my $50 worth of cheese and crackers and grapes. it was awesome. (no for real. it was really good cheese.)

one of the coolest things we did (i thought, anyway) was make the trip to see the hoover dam. (is this a god dam? sorry, mom. i couldn't resist.) it was incredible. (again, pictures yet to come.) it's one of those places that makes you realize that there are bigger things in the world than you (and i don't mean literally, duh). when you think about the time, effort, ingenuity, the foresight that went into such a massive project, it's pretty amazing.

pictures would probably help here, but i'm blogging at work. deal.

other things that happened in vegas (that aren't staying in vegas, lol):

• i had my first experience with a stranger rubbing my stomach. yes, i'm pregnant but no, i don't really look it yet. i just look fat. so basically she could have been rubbing a fat person's stomach, i think she just lucked out and got me and i am actually con bebe.
• thanks to the bee (and i will *never* let him live this down), we had the timeshare experience from hell. FO SHO. we had a pitbull in lipstick for a sales rep and she sunk her teeth in and would not let go until we signed on the dotted line. no, we didn't buy a timeshare. however, we were so blatantly rude that if i hadn't been so freaking frustrated i would have been embarrassed. as it was, she was lucky i didn't cold cock her and steal her freaking car just to get away. ugh. and all in the name of $50 in food and magician tickets? um, no. my advice to you: walk on by the attractive stand and fast talking salespeople. just walk on by.
• PLUS! this timeshare-hocking-biznatch kept telling the bee and i that we look alike. wtf? NO. ugh.

so anyway. yes, it was a good time. but yes, i'm happy to be home. and since i don't have any pictures to entertain you, here's a couple more completely hilarious discovery channel commercials.

clean up in aisle three

i threw up at my desk this morning. usually i get some sort of warning - some something that says, leave what you're doing and head east towards the bathroom immediately. nope. not today. and so i puked in my hand, on my sweatshirt and in the trashcan before i made it to the potty. in light of that, there is nothing more convincing of the fact that you're actually sick than tossing cookies in your cube - the boss doesn't argue when you say "i need to go home."

except i didn't go to my home. i'm at my mom's home. if i go to my home, i'm obligated to let the dogs out of their houses and take them outside. i guess i'm not really obligated, i mean, they're dogs, right? but kingsley is the master of puppy dog eyes (especially since he's a puppy dog) and i can't be in the same room with him while he's penned up, it just makes me feel so guilty. i'm a sucker, i know. i'm okay with it. but anyway. this being sick thing sucks.

and from what i hear, it may not go away anytime soon. i haven't said anything about it thus far, i'm kind of nervous and stressed and anxious, truth be told, to say too much or to get too excited about it, but if you look to the right you'll see that (once again) we're pregnant.

surprise.

today is 7 weeks and 5 days. and tomorrow is the first ob/gyn appointment and i gotta say, i'm this close -><- to freaking out. it's really hard for me not to compare one to another and we all remember what happened last time. i can't go through that again. i don't want to put my family and my friends through that again. but, as several people have told me, there's no reason to think that things will end badly - i'm as normal as can be up to this point. in fact, my doctor said to me that there's no reason i can't have healthy and happy babies. and i heard her say that, i can hear her saying that (it's burned in my brain) but i sort of feel like i just have to get through the next few weeks and i'll feel better about this, you know? then i won't be so scared and it'll feel okay to be excited. until then, i'm sort of holding my breath, trying to take things one day at a time.

it's harder than it sounds.

i have some mixed emotions right now and the bee, well, i don't think he knows what to think. we have happy days and days filled with worry and i guess that's to be expected. we try to joke that "the bean" likes mexican food and doesn't really care for frosted mini wheats but it always feels a little weird. last night when i told him that by the time this is over i'll have 50 percent more blood in my body than the average bear and he just found that fascinating (i think it's because he's a guy and guys appreciate gory things like that) but other times i feel like i'm force feeding him information with a crap-flavored spoon.

who knows.

we've both decided that it is a second chance - to do all the things that we didn't do last time, to appreciate all the things that we didn't get to appreciate last time and to not take each other for granted as we have in the past. and we both subscribe to that program... sometimes. it's another thing that's easier said than done. but we're going to persevere.

and so that is that. we're holding off on telling some people; others already know. i told my dad yesterday when he called and i think he was crying when we got off the phone. good or bad, i'm not sure, i didn't have the heart to ask.

this does sort of put a damper on the vegas vacation we have planned for next week. so much for spending three days drunk as a skunk in the neon jungle. nope. now i get to sip virgin drinks and be the dth, which would be the designated taxicab hailer, and put up with everyone else's antics. it's kind of payback for all those times... well, if you were there, then you know. and if you weren't, you can only imagine. i must say that the buffets are far more important now than they ever were before, and bitches, there better be some crab legs.

speaking of buffets: i am eating like a horse. for real. and it's really strange, because i'll be all starving for a particular thing (like this carmel dip that a friend's mom used to make in the fifth grade) and then i'll make it or i'll go buy it and all i can stand is ONE BITE. what's up with that? i'm so happy to have whatever it is that i'm craving in my hand and then i have one bite and then i'm done. it doesn't taste good anymore and i don't want anything to do with it. lucky for me, the bee is usually around when this happens and he's all about free food and/or leftovers, so maybe it's really lucky for him. by this is all over, i'm going to weigh nine tons...

chubby kids, save my seat.

and there's not even anything on tv!

i can't sleep. this is getting ridiculous. i can't sleep because i can't breathe. i can't breathe because i've got a cold that apparently is the "super cold" of all colds and is immune to all typical cold treatments, not that i'm taking any cold medicines, because, well, because i'm just not. anyway. the point of this is that i'm not sleeping while everyone else in the house IS sleeping, quite soundly - the bee and both the puddies are snoring and it sounds like i have motorcycle races going on in my apartment.

so far, buddha is winning and the bee is a close second.

score!

i just found a junior mint under my keyboard.

the day is looking up.

keep your pants on if you're working with me

i wake up some mornings and things just *bug* me. some of these things bug me all the time, some of these things have never bugged me before, and some things are everyday things that i've decided just piss me off.

like the parking lot at work. just an example. there are like 4,000 people that work in this particular building of giant conglomerate "we are taking over the world six city blocks at a time" bank. and for those 4,000 employees there are three parking lots - two close to the building that hold about 12 vehicles each and one across the street that holds the remaining 3,976 vehicles. and in this parking lot, this vast see of shiny metal and glass and plastic, there are about 1,400 handicapped spots. now i'm not picking on handicapped people. AT ALL. and it's never really (seriously, anyway) crossed my mind to use my (fake) handicap tag at work. what bothers me is that these are handicapped spots across the street from the building. for real, they're about 26,000 feet from the front of the building and only 500 feet from the back of the parking lot - so how is that any help for anyone who may be physically disabled? explain that to me.

something else? we have badges at this job - badges that id us as cogs in the machine, building blocks forming the foundation of this giant corporation, human batteries in the matrix. these badges allow us entry into the building, right? we have to swipe at like three different doors before we can get to our desks, and then we're subjected to retinal scans, fingerprinting, blood tests and trivial pursuit "graduate school" edition trivia questions before we can logon to the system. and i'm not even going to tell you what that entails (not because i don't want to, but it's classified and they'll come over and kill me, leaving my dead body at my desk as an example to all the others that may be attempting contact with the outside world).

what? what happened? i think i blacked out...

right. badges. back on track. so then, at the end of the day or any other time you try to escape these walls, there are red "exit" buttons on the inside of the doors that you have to press before you can actually leave. hmmm... so everyday, right, EVERY FREAKING DAY, when it's time for me to leave, i'm all walking out in a stream of people. and if i happen to be first, it ends up like that visa check card commercial where one person throws off the entire machine due to stupidity. yeah, that's me. because i never remember to push the button. i want to sue just based on the fact that this is a fire hazard. or because if i were at the front of a very long line i could completely be killed in a riot/stampede of angry bank workers.

for real.

and wouldn't that be embarassing, killed in a sea of business casual khaki and polo shirts? that's not how i envisioned myself going out of this world, you know? and what if i were color blind and couldn't see that the button is red? then what? what if no one were around and i stood there pushing on the door until my body gave way from weakness and dehydration. because i KNOW none of these khaki-clad sonsabitches is going to help me out, the bastards.

solution? at the end of the day i make sure that i'm one of several employees in a line out the door, which brings up another problem - how long is too long to stand and wait and hold the door for someone?

gahh...

so while camping i got a bit of sun, right? quite a bit, actually. i was beet-freaking-red for a while - forehead and all, it was hot. i was hot. literally, hot to the touch. just hot in general. my organs were baking, that's how hot.

anyway. so too much sun gives way to sunburn which eventually gives way to peeling skin. gross, isn't it? in fact, that was what, more than 10 days ago and i'm *still* peeling. which i don't really mind, it gives me something to do while watching tv. i leave little bits o' skin all over the place, sometimes i try to see just how big the chunks can get, right, and so i hold them up and i'm all, "BEE! look at this! that's the biggest one EVER!" and he gets a little grossed out with me. i got to thinking the other day, if giant conglomeration bank ever turns into the movie "gattaca" (which if you've not seen it, it's a weird movie with jude law in a wheelchair, which i tend to think is a huge waste of jude law, but whatever. i'd take that guy wrapped in aluminum foil soaked in rotten potato salad, he is that yummy.) i am fucked hardcore, man. not kidding. there are little pieces of my dna all over the place.

not that i've done anything wrong, but...

whatever. what was i talking about? oh yeah. so the reason that this one spot on my leg won't heal (other than the fact that i'm constantly picking at it) is because my jeans rub on it all day and it's actually physically impossible for it to grow back. at this rate, my knees will be skinless until i'm in my late 40s. so i propose, in addition to an ice cream day next friday, that we at giant conglomeration bank, have a pants off work day. similar to pants off dance off, but hopefully not as sweaty.

because sweat + work = not good. actually, the more i think about a pants-free day at the office, the more i think i might call in sick that day. work - pants = not good.

well, hell.

yeah, so i really should be working. more laters, taters.

buy them books, they eat the covers. and the pages.

no toy, no matter how precious, is exempt from the wrath of the puddies. for example, this last weekend at the dog show (clap clap, clap clap clap-ap-ap-ap-ap-ap-ap DOG SHOW!) we purchased a new puppy toy. a couple of them actually, but one was immediately taken to as a puddie "favorite." his name was long squawk silver and he was a pirate rubber chicken with an awful, moaning squeaker. and the puddies LOVED long squawk silver, so much that they ripped the squeaker out of him yesterday, which made me happy because everytime they'd step on it i'd just about have a heart attack, that's how much it sounded like someone dying in my living room.

but today, long squawk silver met his demise. i'm not sure of the exact time of death but i can tell you it was quick and painless.

poor long squawk. he will be missed.

my puddies are not murderers, they are just misunderstood. yes, that is the rubber chicken's HEAD.

speaking of puddies, here are some recent mugs:

kingsley, my baby :)

buddha, the barking wonder-dog

don't be fooled. they're both going through the terrible twos. i say "lay down" they just stand there and bark. they co-conspire in making awful messes, destroying furniture and eating us out of house and home and pretty much the neighbor's house too.

for real.

and for those of you that don't believe that the janel can camp (because it *is* hard to believe, i know), here is photogenic proof:

the janel knows how to rock a tent, biznatches.

and speaking of mug shots, here's the bee rocking his (prisoner) polo shirt:

just released on parole.

this is one that i do think is cute:

the bee and his nephew kooper. cute!

and this one's just for fun, because my legs look nineteen feet long here...

one day, i'm going to be six feet tall like cindy crawford.

that's about all i have for today. i'm tired and it sounds like the dogs are eating the laundry basket. peas out.